


Fallen

by climbingVENTS



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always Female Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Castiel Has PTSD, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Castiel (Supernatural), Female Castiel/Male Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Season 9, begins season 9 episode 3, what would have happened if cas had a female vessel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25440118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/climbingVENTS/pseuds/climbingVENTS
Summary: Newly human, Castiel runs into trouble while living on the streets.(I know if Cas was a woman he and Dean would have gotten together a long time ago and Dean kicking Cas out of the bunker after just seeing how dangerous it was for him out there, I mean he was Cas die, it just left a bad taste in my mouth so I imagined things going down differently. plus I'm a sucker for some Castiel whump)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Fallen

Castiel would normally spend her days finding ways to make money to buy food, and other hygiene products she had forgotten were even necessary until her newly human body began its terrible cycle. 

What little cash she had at the beginning had lasted her less than a week after having to buy tampons, forgoing the box of pills that would alleviate the horrible cramps that had kept her from leaving the junkyard she had been staying in for hours. She had wasted an entire day curled up in the backseat of a Chevy wracked with pain. She hadn’t been able to find food that day. She found it difficult to sustain all of her body’s needs and she was learning quickly that humans were not all kind at heart like she knew Dean and Sam were.

In fact, she began to expect the worst in people after having spent a terrifying night being stalked by two men who had noticed her amongst a group of other homeless people in an alley as she was warming her hands by one of their fires burning in an old metal can.

She had rebuffed their advances, noticing with disgust one of them had a mouth full of rotted teeth while the other seemed to be missing most of his, and they both stank from days without a wash. She could tell they were under the influence of alcohol, and maybe something else, as one of them seemed to have an eye twitch that would sporadically act up during their conversation. Castiel managed to avoid them after turning them down but she could tell they would not give up so easily.

They waited and watched her late into the night. She knew it would not be smart to sleep there knowing those two would be nearby, so she left. Castiel noticed she was being followed after five minutes of walking and she had felt fear, realizing that without her grace, she wouldn’t be able to fight off two grown men by herself, no matter how starved or drugged up they may be. 

She had not been scared like this in a long time, and never in this particular way. She had no place to go, it was late, and she had wandered into an eerily quiet part of the city. There were no other people on the street and the buildings were all dark, most had their windows boarded up.   
She would look back every few seconds, increasing her steps the closer the men got. If not for the large, maze-like warehouse she used to lose them, she was sure, they would have caught up to her eventually. Thinking back, she would wonder exactly how many women those men had followed after finding their prey warming up by a fire, and how many of them were as lucky as she was.

Cas had spent the last week at St. Anne’s Shelter for women in Didsberry Falls. She hadn’t planned on staying more than a couple of nights, but she found comfort in living with only women after being chased by toothless and his friend. Cas had found solidarity in some of the women here, a lot of them had been on the run a lot longer than she had and they all knew of the fear she had experienced when she had to spend every night on the street alone and vulnerable . 

In those times she would think of Dean. His strong arms that would pull her in close and hold her while she slept. His rough voice as he refused to leave the bed, tired from a passionate night together after a successful case. His eyes that would soften when he looked at her and the scratch of his stubble when they kissed. She missed him. Castiel knew Dean would be looking for her, but with the target on her back and every angel left on earth hell bent on killing her, she hadn’t wanted to burden him, or Sam. But that would never stop her from missing them, him.

Castiel had been on her own and on the run for what seemed like a long time, and she enjoyed being in the company of people who held no threat to her and who she felt she could confide in, however, Cas knew when she woke up this morning that it was time for her to leave, though she was very hesitant to give up this feeling of security. 

Cas splashed her face with some water, turning the tap off and using some paper towel to dab herself dry. Cas had never given much thought to the way she looked, but as she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she thought those men who had followed her a week prior must have been high on something. Cas may not be able to pick up on many social cues, but she knew what was conventionally attractive to humans and her vessel was certainly not in its best shape. 

Her hair came down to her shoulders in messy curls, never seeming to tame though she did find time every morning to brush it. She had lost weight since becoming human, and she was small, five foot something, she knew she came up to Dean’s chest when she wore the three-inch heels Jenny Novak was wearing when she agreed to be a vessel for Castiel. 

Castiel had to change her shoes at a pawn shop after a few days acquiring blisters in them. In fact, no part of the office getup Jenny used to wear was left. Cas now wore dark sweatpants and a large green tee shirt with a light blue flannel overtop. She was swimming in her new clothes, but they were certainly more comfortable than the pencil skirt and tight tan blazer. 

Cas reached for her bottle of toothpaste, squeezing a dollop into her mouth and moving it around with her tongue to coat her teeth. “Hey, Claire”. Castiel turned to her right, Julia was leaning against the entryway to the communal bathroom, towel in hand, looking at her with an amused smile. Julia slept in the bed next to Castiel’s and they had become quick friends over the last week. “How much longer are you gonna be with us”? She asked, hanging up her towel on a hook to her left, flicking a hand through her long brown hair. 

Julia was more of what would Dean would call “hot”. She had long legs, dark smooth skin and a soft voice. Cas found her own voice was deeper for a woman, Dean called it raspy, and he spent a long-time telling Cas how much he loved it until she believed him. Dean always made sure he would shower her with compliments and assure her she was beautiful to him whenever he found a new insecurity she suffered from, and there were quite a few he was sad to find out.

“I’ll be moving on tonight after dinner. It’s time”. Julia nodded, though she looked forlorn at this, Cas was special, and Julia knew she would miss the quirky blue-eyed woman. They shared a smile. Cas had not told her much, just that she was trying not to get caught by some bad people who wanted her dead and Julia hadn’t pushed for more information, sensing it was a sensitive topic for Cas. 

“Do you know where you’ll go?” Cas shook her head. She began packing up her toiletries and turned to face Julia, noticing her nervousness and trepidation at knowing her friend would be alone again, knowing what it did to Cas before and how fearful she had been the night she arrived at St. Anne’s. 

“I’m not sure, but I’ll find somewhere, don’t worry”. Castiel crossed the room from the sinks to the dressing area, taking Julia’s hands in hers “I’ll be fine, I promise”. Cas spoke convincingly considering she was also dreading having to leave. Cas gave Julia a small smile, and her friend returned the gesture with wet eyes. They shared a hug and parted ways so Julia could shower, and Cas could head to work. 

…

Castiel along with the other women in the shelter would help with the cooking prep, cleaning the rooms and taking care of the neighbourhood along with some volunteers by collecting litter, sorting recycled materials and other odd jobs. 

Castiel was on litter duty. She was picking up trash in a park near the Shelter with her pointy stick, something she surprisingly enjoyed doing. It was a calming repetitive task and she felt good helping others. She was about to poke another candy wrapper when she noticed some red spots on the sidewalk to her left. She knelt down next to it and smeared the spots around with her finger. Blood.

She could see from her new position crouched in the grass more drops of blood, creating a messy zig zagging trail that went across the street. Castiel knew she shouldn’t take the bait, but if there was someone hurt and in need of her help, she couldn’t walk away. She followed the spots to a cemetery that was directly across from the park. 

Castiel pushed open the gates carefully, noticing a larger smear of red on the dark metal. She slowly crept further in, eyes trained on the ground, moving from one splash of blood to the next until she came upon the source. 

Two priests were impaled with multiple steel spikes used to build the fence enclosing the graveyard, poking out of them at random angles. Bloody, gaping holes stared back at her where their eyes used to be, and their faces were twisted in terror, mouths frozen open in a silent scream.

Castiel dropped her stick in the grass, backing away slowly. She knew she could not return to St. Anne’s tonight. She would have to leave now, her meager belongings forgotten, Castiel made her way back to the front gates of the cemetery and started walking, not sure where she would end up that night, and hoping Julia would understand her leaving without a farewell.


End file.
